Lately I have been seeing things posted on Facebook or other places about living life with no regrets. Basically, how we aren't to regret anything because everything happens for a reason and that whole jive. I think this theory to be complete bullshit. Granted, we are who we are because of choices we've made, but I think it is okay to regret some of those choices. It doesn't mean that we necessarily loathe the life we are living now, it just means we are reflective about things we could have done differently. I am not meaning to say life is to be spent looking in the rear-view mirror and that we should focus on those mistakes, just saying that it is okay to regret them. Saying that we don't regret them is a lazy way of accepting ourselves in a manner in that we can't make mistakes.
I am a recovering alcoholic. I have several regrets. The regrets that I think about aren't specific events (usually). I fucked up a lot and made a ton of mistakes, but what I concentrate on is the time I let fly by being unaware of a great big world, full of great big wonderful things. During the time I spent as a slave to alcohol, most people my age found their way. They may have found careers, wives, husbands; had daughters, sons and moments. The time I spent wasting away not believing in a god damn thing, is what I regret. I think its okay to regret that.
I am the first to admit that I envy. I envy the classmate who had his shit together and found a wife and a good job. Not because I want to be him, just I wish I would have given myself the chance to be him. I may not have done anything the way he did, but I'd have had the chance.
Through the age of technology, I have been able to find some friends in former classmates and various other folks along the way. Specifically, one married woman with whom I chat with frequently. I respect the fact that she is married and have no intention of doing anything to distract or disrupt her union. I just never really knew her before the last year or so and am now wondering why. Where was I when she was out finding her husband? Why was the world so far away from me then? I don't know, but knowing how much I enjoy conversating with her and sharing thoughts and opinions on things, I have to say in a boasting way that her husband is lucky I wasn't around. I would have gone to great lengths to have won the heart of this woman. Instead, I was alone with a 30 pack of Old Milwakee, fighting demons that I was too afraid to take on. I wasted at least 7 years doing nothing and believing nothing. Those of you who knew me during this time and are still around to be here for me, I owe a debt of gratitude unparalleled by any debt.
I am glad of what I am today. I feel like I am in a good place. I regret things, and that's okay. Those of you who say you live a life without regrets, I don't think I believe you.
I believe you are right, about being able to regret certain decisions in life. I worrry that I will look back on this time and as a good friend says realize I "was not being a friend to vanessa." Sometimes I think I'm letting the world pass me by when I sit down to study and I can hear my neighbors partying and sometimes I feel goal-oriented. I think the worst part about all of this is you never know how you will view different sections of your life until you have lft them behind you. Hindsight and all that jazz. It's hard to tell myself that in ten years I might be wishing I had socialized more instead of worrying about oatmeal and bagels because that self seems so far away that it shouldn't even merit consideration.
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They may have found careers, wives, husbands; had daughters, sons and moments. The time I spent wasting away not believing in a god damn thing, is what I regret. I think its okay to regret that.
I think it was due to the use of the word damn, made it seem more raw. I haven't gotten to the point where I can regret those things and I am in a serious relationship but I still have those same thoughts over different regrets.
the life of no regrets is the life of a sociopath. appreciate your raw honesty. if only we all were so honest with ourselves.
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