This is from my myspace blog, Feb of 08
I was reminded of it when I heard a Ryan Adams song today.
Hello all, this is my first attempt at blogging. A few of you have leaned on me to do it, so here goes. I first must explain that my grammar, sentence structure and the like are probably very poor. For this I apologize ahead of time.
As some of you may know the last three and half years have been a crazy ride for me. From about 1997 until about three years ago I was a horrible person to know. I left a path of destruction around me. My day's consisted of going to work only as a countdown til when I could drink myself into oblivion. Coupled with a terrible sense of self loathing I practically swore off everything that mattered to me. I was drinking 18-20 some odd beers a night, hated the sound of music, hated the fact that I had ever made music. I would drink until I passed out unable to deal with the regrets I had left behind.
After years of dealing with this life I realized that I was emotionally a wreck, dealing with anxiety issues as well as depression. I went to a doctor and thankfully he scared the shit out of me enough to quit drinking. However he did decide to put me on some drugs that made it hard for me and my family to function. I was literally a zombie, unable to converse or give a shit about anything. I was really confused, everyone told me how good I would feel when I stopped drinking but I felt worse. Silence and emptiness consumed me. My family finally drew a line in the sand and took me to a different doctor who soon got me on the right track with a change of medication. I was starting to feel like me again. Then one night at about 4 in the morning I woke up with a yearning to listen to music again. I blindly stumbled out of my room and picked a cd out of my case without even looking. I picked up Ryan Adams "Gold". For the next hour through a pair of headphones I listened. It was almost like hearing music for the first time again. I cried, laughed, danced, shadowboxed around my basement bursting with focus again. I realize that the support of my family is truely what got me though this difficult time. However that album, though it may not be an album which is groundbreaking or incredible played a huge role in me becoming me again. I know it might be little melodramic to say that that album saved my life, but in some ways it did. I will hold that album close forever.
